Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
