Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
