I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
