I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
