It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
