I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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