i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
