we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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