Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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