I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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