I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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