like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
