I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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