Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
