12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
