Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
