I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
