I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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