Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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