I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
