My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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