I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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