so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
