hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
