Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
