meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
