TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
