It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
