"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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