ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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