; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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