I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
operation harelip BJ is a go
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
