I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
