so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
