it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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