his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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