did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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