k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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