If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's shark week go big or go home
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
