i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
