then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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