I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
