babies were throwing up all over the place
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
two words...techno handjob
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
