That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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