I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
