I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
