I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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