I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
