can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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