can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
